HOW TO RULE A DIVERSE COMPLICATED NIGERIA” FOR DUNDEES –by Ena Ofugara

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ENAI have learnt that the simplest way to learn anything on youtube or online is to add “for dundees” at the end of your search. Let us say we want to learn math, you type in “math for dundees”. Or you want to learn how to plant flowers, you search for “gardening for dundees.” These “for dundees” starts from the scratch and teaches you the very basics and from there you build up your knowledge. “Dundee” as a word might look like an insult. However, if you wish to really learn, PRIDE must be set aside and humility exalted as one learns.

Pride is Buhari’s biggest bane. I see the way everyone bows before him. Kachikwu his assistant minister of petroleum stated that no one is able to talk to Buhari. That will be not just his Achilles Heel, it may be what destroys this fragile nation

Fragile nation yes. The discontent is palpable. From the North East, through the Middle Belt to the East and South south, no one seems happy with Nigeria. It is the work of any president to lessen the angst and try and unite the country

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Unite the country is something Buhari has FAILED WOEFULLY at. Even Zara his daughter, in front of her expensive mirror will say to herself that her father has not helped to unite Nigeria. For a president whose opponent conceded so easily and has refused to say a word in criticism, despite Buhari’s ceaseless provocation, to be unable to capitalize on such magnanimity by GEJ and his incessant absence from Nigeria to unite the country and put the elections behind Nigeria even a year later simply shows a lack of capacity and intellect. Buhari lost election in 2011 and continued to criticize GEJ and sue him and claim he was cheated and that blood will flow etc. GEJ left and has not said a word. So why is it so hard to take responsibility and unite the country?

Uniting the country requires an absence of the inane “97 percent and 5 percent” comment. It requires that the first 80 appointments be not made without a region in a former 3 region country. It requires protection of the lives and property of members of Middle belt and Easterners and all else from Fulani terrorists and immediate provision of funds to assist communities so attacked by “foreigners from Mauritius” rearing cattle in Nigeria, speaking Hausa and Fulfude and looking exactly like the average Northerner. It entails treating the Niger Delta as human beings and not bombing them and threatening them in first week of taking power.

Of course, all of the above are what we see from Buhari. He has allowed his mouth and actions show he is a Northern president. This does not bode well for the Northerner as Buhari is making them hated by the minute. His action and that of Fulani herdsmen are making people ask what they have in common with Nottherners who seem to have no use for the southerner save crude oil.

Be that as it may, I offer simple uniting lectures for the president. It is “HOW TO UNITE NIGERIA FOR DUNDEE PRESIDENTS”. It is simple enumeration of what to do for Buhari.

  1. Call all elected Igbo leaders and opinion leaders and some of the social media minds for a meeting in Aso Rock. Discuss at length and listen to their demands. You can make it clear ab initio that the country will not split. However, how else can the Igbo man be placated. Listen carefully to the suggestions.
  2. As part of peace offering to them, make available loans to anyone who manufactures. If you can import grass from brazil for Northern millionaire cattle owners free, surely loans to manufacturers is not so far-fetched?
  3. Appoint APC people of Eastern origin to positions of service.
  4. Anounce all this at an Igbo festival day that you will attend. If no festival, make the anouncements while dressed in Igbo attire and in the East. Let the Ezes be present.

  5. Assure Igbo traders of their safety in markets across the country.

  6. Make dollar available for their businessmen so as to raise the GDP of Nigeria once again

  7. Keep the facking promises.

  8. Release Kanu Nnamdi to Okorocha. This is the best goodwill move that will have the whole Igbo nation happy and believe that progress is being made.

  9. Assure them of the second Niger Bridge.

As per the Niger Delta,

  1. Tompolo, Asari Dokubo and many others are known. Empower them to fish out the NDA or at least get them to stop the bombings.
  • Continue amnesty payments. Get it to run more transparently and include more Itsekiris, Urhobos, Calabars, Ikwerres, Isokos etc and so it is not just an Ijaw affair. By including other more peaceful minorities, they are not now encouraged to burst their own pipelines so as to be listened to.
  • Encourage more employment of their youth in companies in the area.

  • Like the Italian and American government does with the Mafia, work with the topguns to secure the land and blood of the nation contained in those pipelines.

  • Finish the Gas City in Warri. That will help the nation as well as the youths in the area

  • Finish the Marine university

  • 7 If the youths and their ogbologbos see food to eat, you think they will remember that all the land of Ode Itsekiri and the oil beneath belongs to one Fulani in Sokoto and not to the Olu even, With a full belly and employment, who will care?

    As per Middle Belt. Omo! How can Hausa Fulani forget the major allies of Ahmadu Bello and Tafawa Balewa and Shagari like this?

    1. The killings of those who grow our food must STOP. A serious farming initiative with loans and machinery given them and securing of their lives and farms will go a long way to making food cheap and country thereby happy with Buhari.
  • Any Fulani who kills should face the full wrath of the law.
  • Speak with the leaders and find out their pains and how to harness the mineral wealth of Kogi etc, ensuring the owners of the land get well compensated unlike what happened to the Niger Delta and their oil

  • As per Yorubas, emmm Ask Tinubu. He emmmm…

    Okay. Most Yorubas seem okay with how Buhari is treating them. I am also sure they have FASHOLA and Tinubu who know what Yorubas want more than I can ever articulate.

    As pertains the North East and West, clearly with the secret amnesty, 2.1 billion dollars loan, grass from Brazil, return of presidency to the North and PDP zoning presidency to the North in 2019, as well as all the many appointments given to Northerners, as well as owning 90 percent of oil wells in Nigeria plus Northerners entering choice school even with score of 2 against a southerner that scores 230, surely you Buhari already know what to do to make the North happy? In fact he has done it already and doing more more more.

    In conclusion, Buhari should wear the clothes he wore during campaigns that made him seem one of everyone. Let him return to those ways and talk to the people. Politics is compromise and negotiation and dialogue and and and and … give and take. It is not autocracy or dictatorship. The richest countries in the world are democratic. Something must be right with the system of leadership called democracy. Buhari must learn to put dialogue in front and first get the majority on his side in all areas. That way he can now show brute force to the minority that refuses all his actions and entreaties for peace. It is only then will an Igbo say to another “let us give the man a chance. He seems sincere.” or even an Oyinemi Nicholas Endeley of the Ijaw nation will say “Ijaw, let us give him time. He knows our pain.” Sitting in Aso Rock and saying you will crush people who can reach and destroy a pipeline before Aisha can finish frying a single akara is asinine. It is why we are producing crude now at almost half of our capacity and losing so much. It is our worst production rate ever. This is shameful. Pride goes before a fall. Tell Buhari to take a pen and write down these points christened HOW TO RULE A DIVERSE SOCIETY LIKE NIGERIA FOR DUNDEES and apply them as religiously as he would Sharia law if given the chance.

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